Our endless numbered days

I really should be asleep. But then again, there's a lot of things I really should do. It's kind of amusing in a sick and sad way, now that I know where I want to go, what I want to do, it terrifies me. As a far off dream it was okay, it was acceptable, but now that it's a tangible reality I am frightened away. What if I'm unworthy? What if I'm not able to live up to my own hopes? On the other hand there's the other fears, What if I let this chance go? What if I forget my dreams and become just another one?
My justification for my dream is this. I know that we're all put here to change the world in some way. For most of us, this will be a quietly significant way. It will be the loving of someone, the creation of children and loving them, who in turn will change the world in a quietly significant way. I won't deny that statistically this is what I will end up doing. However, as of now I have no prospects, no aspirations of that sort, so instead I must find my own way of changing the world. I refuse to plan to do nothing. Since I have no quiet prospects, I propose in my mind something a tad more garish, more my style. By and large my dream will be mocked, it's not the societal norm. I know and understand that the odds of me ending up with a prospect and settling down and living quietly opposed to following and achieving my dream is about 100-1 or greater. Should this occur I will reconcile myself to it gladly, because in the end, that might be my destiny. The changing of one moment, one day, one life.
The road from here is not easy, it is not marked, but the mountains lay spread out before me, and they call to me. No longer can I ignore them, I must take up my path and follow it where it leads. The path behind is nothing more than an access trail. I'm standing on the cliff, the plaque is here in the rock. So many have set out from this point, and none is the same, nor will I be.