This is Me, justified and stripped

So, it's kind of funny, taking personality surveys is something I abhor and find to be worthless in general. However, after taking two of them recently for a class I came to a realization. I didn't learn anything new about my strengths and weaknesses. I learned just how silly it is for me to take them. Each question, no matter what, both answers could potentially be mine. After thinking about this I realized why it was so silly, I might as well be two personalities. Sometimes I wonder where the quiet shy kid went from so long ago. This week I discovered where he went, or rather, why he went. When I became an SA it was imperative that I become something else, that I develop the ability to switch my personality like a lightbulb. On and off, on and off, time after time. After flicking my personality around like a switch for so long I wonder anymore which is the real me. Am I the quiet and shy boy from years ago? Am I the precocious and outgoing mentor that worked so hard to help people with their lives at the sacrifice of his own mental well-being? Or am I the third? This third one that has grown so much in the past year. The recognition of the stark realities of this world has left me jaded, my realization of weakness in myself and others has changed the way I see things. I have discovered despisal, abhorrence and hate. Some days it seems like that's all I remember.
Somehow, I think that I am none of them, or maybe all of them, combining again to form an animal of a completely different nature. Whatever it is it struggles and fights, continuously marching ahead into the darkness, only to run headfirst into a wall time and time again. Each time it picks itself up and sets out into the dark again, sometimes directly back into the wall it ran into.

On a completely different note, is it weird that after meeting an absolutely gorgeous girl who's nice, funny, easy to talk to and smart that I began considering her more as a little sister (despite her being just 1 year younger than me) before i even found out she has a boyfriend? If so, well, I'm weird, if not, well, it doesn't really matter anyway.
Sorry for not updating in a while, this whole school and having to invent and entirely new technology in the next two months is somewhat pressuring.

You must remember this
a kiss is just a kiss
A sigh is just a sigh
The fundamental things in life
As time goes by