The streets of upper Belfast were strewn with ribbons and bright lamps. These were the roads where Irish flutes danced through the drawn evening from the doors of pubs to quicken the hearts of the passers by. Yet at this time all the doors were dark. The ribbons made a ghostly whispering down the brick alleys, and the lamps were lonely sentries on an abandoned thoroughfare. Through the star strewn sky the song slowly lifted from a barrel fire on the north side of town. It was an old song, a wistful song. A song from those times when Irishmen held their heads high and their children were raised under the sacred green. The singers slowly gathered around the fire, filing in from the surrounding alleys. When there were an even dozen, they began to walk up the street. A police van rounded into the road ahead of them, and sat waiting for them, its lights dimmed like a lion's crouched form. The singers turned to the right and moved east down a cross street. As they moved softly through the night their voices grew stronger. They were not shouting, but there was an ancient pride carried in their melody, and it spread itself through the walls into the surrounding apartments. Lights flicked on darkened bedrooms, windows opened, heads peeked curiously out, like so many field mice curious as to what could be cursing the owl. The braver souls joined the marchers in song as they passed.
The seagulls flying high above Belfast looked down on the most curious sight they had ever seen. From two points in the dark mass of buildings a river of light was spreading. The streams wended their way along, one southeast and the other northeast. As the streams continued there appeared several small rivulets of blue flashed, moving quickly to the head of the golden stream, but always disappointed when the stream turned away at the last minute.
The center of the city surrounding the Governor's palace was quiet and still. Down the murky streets crept three figures. One short and muscular, the other two taller. A moonbeam glinted off of a pair of glasses on a taller man. Suddenly all three stopped, and after a few hurried gestures the two taller men moved to the sides of the street.
From the doorway where he stood, Matthew Collins could see the lone figure in the roadway, silhouetted against the white background of the Governor's mansion. The Union Jack atop the white building fluttered nervously in the breeze. The silence crushed around Collins, whose heart was already beating like a galloping horse. When he'd left New York for a vacation in Ireland he had been a mild-mannered man. He abhorred violence, and the excitement of the night before had driven him to terror. Yet somewhere in that confusion he had been struck with the pounding drive to lash out. The rebel's spirit in the old songs had landed deep within his heart, rousing an emotion that he had never experienced before. Sudden knowledge of the difference between mindless fighting, and rebellion against tyranny burst to the surface of his mind, clawing with desperation against the despots all over the world, crying for the blood of the guilty. At the time, the feeling had been exhilarating, and without a second thought he sprang into the fight, yet now he was able to see the position in which he stood. Alone in a doorway, fighting against a faceless giant that had been crushing liberty and life under its foot for decades. From where he stood, Matthew Collins felt very small and alone.
The silence gently woke to the sound of a whistle, it was low and haggard, drifting up slowly from a black shadow in the street. The whistle grew in volume, and imperceptibly became words, until through the cobblestoned streets were floating the ancient tongues. Matthew stood frozen as the ethereal notes drifted upwards. The words were Gaelic, "Sinne Fianna fail, a ta fe gheall ag Eirinn." Collins recognized the Irish national anthem through the notes and filled in the words in his mind, "Soldiers are we, whose lives are pledged to Ireland."
In the Governor's compound lights began to flick on. The rush of feet to the gate pounded against the brick walls. With a rush the song stopped. A heavy eternity passed before the voice began again, this time with a new tune, one familiar from the night before. "Come out ye black and tans, come out and fight me like a man." A spotlight pinned the lone figure in his place. He was crouched, one knee almost touching the pavement, both hands palms down upon the cobblestones. His head was hung down between his shoulders, as though he were drawing strength from the foundations of Ireland.
The gates swung open and the tramp of boots materialized into the shape of a small squad. The leader of this small group drew a weapon from his hip and shouted at the figure for silence. No silence came, rather, the song grew louder. The streets on both sides of the compound were beginning to light up as those in Morpheus's grip were drawn back to earth. Again the booted leader shouted for silence, this time he added the threat of electrocution. Suddenly, Collins remembered his purpose. He drew the small camera from his pocket and punched the red button. A third time the booted leader called for silence. The veins in his forehead were beginning to bulge with anxiety. A drop of sweat burst through and rolled down the side of his face. His finger tightened upon the trigger, he was on the cusp of sending twin bolts of lightning through this offensive hooligan. The decision was made.
Had there been any passersby, they might have been able to support Matthew Collin's assertion. As it stood there were none, yet Collin's still swore that the figure tensed, and twitched as though it had a tail. The tension slowed the entire world, the windows crept up slowly, the fidgeting of the men behind their booted leader slowed, even the subtle pull of the trigger was a cautious motion. Then with a roar the world came back to full speed. The glint of two darts leapt from the muzzle, yet the figure was not in the spotlight. With a spring it was forward, not even trying to dodge the prongs, Finn McCool sprang through them. His body convulsed as his hands stretched forward towards his oppressor. His hands seized two arms that were stricken in place by terror The convulsion rocked both men as the booted leader strove in vain to let go of the trigger.
One of the men standing outside the gate swung his club at the arm holding the weapon. Under the blow it rattled to the pavement, and the convulsions lessened as both the booted leader and his assailant crumpled to the pavement. There was a pause, the world hushed as the other men present crept forward to assess the situation. The man with the club was closest, and when he glimpsed the face of young Finn McCool, he shrank back. The battered and bloody face had two darts embedded in is, purple lines running from them down towards his body where the electricity had coursed along his muscles. But the horrifying part was the grin, a wide-eyed smirk that bragged of its victory. The eyes rolled to the side, directly into those that drew away in fear. With a dash Finn was on his feet and charging the men all around. Collins did his best to capture the scene with his camera, but no mortal means were capable of following the speed of young Finn as he lashed out against the English. In a moment it was over, all the squad crumpled on the pavement, while shouts from inside beckoned more men to the gate. Rather than stay and face the onslaught, Finn leapt at the wall, and, with a quick bound, was to the top and over.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Closure
Took long enough. I guess eventually you just have to get it out and say the things you don't want to. Doesn't make it any easier. It's been one year since I made a promise to myself, it's about time I broke it. Oddly enough I feel lighter, like maybe there's hope for me. Maybe there's more to me than I thought. Somehow, knowing that you could be cold and sarcastic makes me positive that there's nothing left, no spark, no coal, no ash, only an iron truss that separates two people who once were, but cannot be. Cannot even be friendly acquaintences. I'd insult you, or call you names, but somehow, I can't even rouse myself to be angry at you, you made your choice and I do sincerely hope it makes you happy, but I know you will never make me happy. Bis dann, fraulein, I wish you luck.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Broken Cities
Down hollow streets in the driving snow
Through splintered glass and concrete bones
Brick facades and broken homes
In silent splendor of fractured stone
Stands the old cathedral all alone
The quiet peace of howling wind
Screams out a name without an end
Through scattered pillars that never bend
Heads of roofs that no shelter lend
And I cry with them for my long lost friend
A hand at my mouth, ice in my eyes
It's a mournful call, this lover's cry
that echoes through caverns where spirits die
and flings itself at the open sky
To die itself in the halls of time
Cold fires flutter in windows dim
longing for the warmth of home again
As I fall to the ground with a final plea
Don't bury me in this broken city
Take me home, take me back to Irene
Through splintered glass and concrete bones
Brick facades and broken homes
In silent splendor of fractured stone
Stands the old cathedral all alone
The quiet peace of howling wind
Screams out a name without an end
Through scattered pillars that never bend
Heads of roofs that no shelter lend
And I cry with them for my long lost friend
A hand at my mouth, ice in my eyes
It's a mournful call, this lover's cry
that echoes through caverns where spirits die
and flings itself at the open sky
To die itself in the halls of time
Cold fires flutter in windows dim
longing for the warmth of home again
As I fall to the ground with a final plea
Don't bury me in this broken city
Take me home, take me back to Irene
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Intellectual Property
Recently I was involved in a debate, well, it was a bit more of an inebriated argument. Sadly I'm not at my best logically under those conditions. The debate was over the legality (or rather morality) of pirating music and media. I upheld the stance that it was theft (don't get me wrong, it's not that I've never done it, but I am trying to legitimize my music collection) while the other guy was saying that it's okay, because intellectual property isn't property and therefore it's common use. I'll be honest, I think that's retarded and hypocritical (since I was accused of being a hypocrite during the argument I don't feel bad about saying what I feel whether it's insulting or not). Here's why.
1: let's begin at the beginning. People throw the phrase 'intellectual property' around an awful lot. People say that it's okay to pirate, because it's not actually property, it's an obvious idea. (Note, this was how ford stole the patent for the intermittent windshield wiper) What doesn't occur to people is that this is a new phrase. It's been bastardized recently to essentially mean non-physical property, like music. Often people will use the example that professors are trying to make students pay to copy notes, because they're the professors 'intellectual property'. This is dumb, if the professor were to write a treatise, then yeah, maybe it gets published and people have to pay to read it. However, as a teacher it's his duty to pass on knowledge, and the students/government are paying him quite well for it. He's not necessarily teaching new and unique things (unless he's a very top notch researcher) so really he's trying to jump on the royalties bandwagon that has been passing since Aristotle and Pythagoras. Intellectual property is something that one thinks of, that truly isn't commonly available. Opinions are not, this post for example is not intellectual property, it's on opinion expressed in a public forum ( the story I've been writing on here however is not public usage, it's implied copyright). However the mental proof of a mathematical theorem is intellectual property, once it's written down it's a thesis, this is why institutes pay people money to think of them, because it's worth something.
2: Calling music intellectual property is a trade-off in terms is just silly. Music isn't intellectual, have you heard the new Lady Gaga song? Music is art....okay, sometimes music is art. It was said during the debate that while stealing a CD from a store would be wrong, pirating music from the internet would not. Apparently plastic and paper is worth 20 bucks. What makes the CD valuable is what's written on it, therefore that's the thing that holds value, and it remains true when it's ripped to a computer, the music holds the value, so getting it online is obtaining valuable material for free. Usually that's called theft, sometimes donations, bargain hunting, or welfare.
The argument was made that if I'm out in public and I hear a song on the radio I can enjoy it with out paying. Really? this is like bowling. Of course you can, because the radio paid to play it so that they could grab your attention and then play you advertisements that people are paying them to play. Music is the cleavage shot in radio advertising.
But if I have a boombox out in public I'm allowed to play it without headphones, other people can listen in. Yes, yes they can. Now, when you're done back there in the 1980's come join us here in the present and get an Mp3 player, or at least a walkman, you're embarassing us. Now on to logic instead of invective, yeah, you can play your music for them, but they can't take that music home with them, if they do, it's called kidnapping, and that's wrong.
But it's intellectually open material, anyone could think of it, therefore everyone should be allowed to enjoy it. Really? You think it's open? Okay then, you go into a studio and record the damn songs. As someone who has done that, I am personally offended by this argument that was made. I spent a lot of time in the studio to record a few songs with a friend. They were long, brutal hours. I played until my fingers bled, and then I played some more. The product wasn't great either, but it was mine, and I was proud of it. I have no problem sharing that music with people for free, cause I don't want money off of it, but if you tell me that it's common usage because it's replicable, I'll punch you in the damn jaw.
Music is not intellectual property. It's art. You wouldn't steal the Mona Lisa, granted, the mona lisa is not the same if digitized, but it's art as well. There's a reason people get in trouble for painting forgeries of art, not because they dared to imitate the masters, but because they are trying to pass as the original valuable work something that is not valuable. If it's a good forger it would be just as enjoyable to most people. But it's still illegal to paint copies and distribute them for mass private enjoyment (unless you clearly communicate that it's a print) For thousands of years we have regarded music as art, but all of the sudden it's 'Intellectual property' since we can so easily obtain it illegally.
3. Almost done. It's okay to pirate music, because the big bad corporations are the ones who reap the profits from CD's. I support artists by going to concerts, that's how they really make money. Stick it to the man! Pirates! Wolverines! sorry, got a little carried away there. Really guys, I mean, I'd expect this attitude from silly college rebels and anarchists, but from people who are supposed to be respectable pillars of society this is laughable.
Firstly, yeah, the amount of money each band gets from CD royalties is tiny. Like, single digit cents or less tiny, but dude, CD's go platinum and sell over a million copies. Math says that even if they get paid .003 dollars from each CD, that's still 3,000 dollars. I might have dropped a decimal point, but screw it, my eyes are blurry. There's a reason bands collect royalties from sales, it's because it adds up. 1.5% sales commission isn't a whole lot for an estimator, until you sell a 27 million dollar project. It adds up.
Besides, I know they're big bad evil corporations, but they did sign the band for a reason. They signed them because they had potential, and could make money. No, the label is not some altruistic music guru who just wants people to enjoy music, they're a business. They're like an investment banker, they see potential, they put money into it, and then they expect they're payoff. You don't see people walking into AIG and stealing money 20 bucks at a time do you? Too soon? The labels put a lot of money into the artists, they pay for studio time, equipment, tour advertising and a lot of other things. It's quite communist actually to say that it's okay to steal from them because they're big and evil.
I'm done now. I think I've just convinced myself even more to stop pirating. I hope this provokes a thought, or even just a chuckle. If it doesn't, and you get mad at me, well, get the stick out of your ass you pompous hipster, you're a bigger fun killer than the conservative parents in Dirty Dancing. I leave you now, I have to go write a paper on the use of characterization and association to influence the readers thoughts, oddly enough I'm writing on how one of the best people at this was HItler, and now it's a tactic used by Rowling. Somehow I think using your topic in your paper is a beautiful statement of irony.
Korffy, none of these zingers are aimed at you.
1: let's begin at the beginning. People throw the phrase 'intellectual property' around an awful lot. People say that it's okay to pirate, because it's not actually property, it's an obvious idea. (Note, this was how ford stole the patent for the intermittent windshield wiper) What doesn't occur to people is that this is a new phrase. It's been bastardized recently to essentially mean non-physical property, like music. Often people will use the example that professors are trying to make students pay to copy notes, because they're the professors 'intellectual property'. This is dumb, if the professor were to write a treatise, then yeah, maybe it gets published and people have to pay to read it. However, as a teacher it's his duty to pass on knowledge, and the students/government are paying him quite well for it. He's not necessarily teaching new and unique things (unless he's a very top notch researcher) so really he's trying to jump on the royalties bandwagon that has been passing since Aristotle and Pythagoras. Intellectual property is something that one thinks of, that truly isn't commonly available. Opinions are not, this post for example is not intellectual property, it's on opinion expressed in a public forum ( the story I've been writing on here however is not public usage, it's implied copyright). However the mental proof of a mathematical theorem is intellectual property, once it's written down it's a thesis, this is why institutes pay people money to think of them, because it's worth something.
2: Calling music intellectual property is a trade-off in terms is just silly. Music isn't intellectual, have you heard the new Lady Gaga song? Music is art....okay, sometimes music is art. It was said during the debate that while stealing a CD from a store would be wrong, pirating music from the internet would not. Apparently plastic and paper is worth 20 bucks. What makes the CD valuable is what's written on it, therefore that's the thing that holds value, and it remains true when it's ripped to a computer, the music holds the value, so getting it online is obtaining valuable material for free. Usually that's called theft, sometimes donations, bargain hunting, or welfare.
The argument was made that if I'm out in public and I hear a song on the radio I can enjoy it with out paying. Really? this is like bowling. Of course you can, because the radio paid to play it so that they could grab your attention and then play you advertisements that people are paying them to play. Music is the cleavage shot in radio advertising.
But if I have a boombox out in public I'm allowed to play it without headphones, other people can listen in. Yes, yes they can. Now, when you're done back there in the 1980's come join us here in the present and get an Mp3 player, or at least a walkman, you're embarassing us. Now on to logic instead of invective, yeah, you can play your music for them, but they can't take that music home with them, if they do, it's called kidnapping, and that's wrong.
But it's intellectually open material, anyone could think of it, therefore everyone should be allowed to enjoy it. Really? You think it's open? Okay then, you go into a studio and record the damn songs. As someone who has done that, I am personally offended by this argument that was made. I spent a lot of time in the studio to record a few songs with a friend. They were long, brutal hours. I played until my fingers bled, and then I played some more. The product wasn't great either, but it was mine, and I was proud of it. I have no problem sharing that music with people for free, cause I don't want money off of it, but if you tell me that it's common usage because it's replicable, I'll punch you in the damn jaw.
Music is not intellectual property. It's art. You wouldn't steal the Mona Lisa, granted, the mona lisa is not the same if digitized, but it's art as well. There's a reason people get in trouble for painting forgeries of art, not because they dared to imitate the masters, but because they are trying to pass as the original valuable work something that is not valuable. If it's a good forger it would be just as enjoyable to most people. But it's still illegal to paint copies and distribute them for mass private enjoyment (unless you clearly communicate that it's a print) For thousands of years we have regarded music as art, but all of the sudden it's 'Intellectual property' since we can so easily obtain it illegally.
3. Almost done. It's okay to pirate music, because the big bad corporations are the ones who reap the profits from CD's. I support artists by going to concerts, that's how they really make money. Stick it to the man! Pirates! Wolverines! sorry, got a little carried away there. Really guys, I mean, I'd expect this attitude from silly college rebels and anarchists, but from people who are supposed to be respectable pillars of society this is laughable.
Firstly, yeah, the amount of money each band gets from CD royalties is tiny. Like, single digit cents or less tiny, but dude, CD's go platinum and sell over a million copies. Math says that even if they get paid .003 dollars from each CD, that's still 3,000 dollars. I might have dropped a decimal point, but screw it, my eyes are blurry. There's a reason bands collect royalties from sales, it's because it adds up. 1.5% sales commission isn't a whole lot for an estimator, until you sell a 27 million dollar project. It adds up.
Besides, I know they're big bad evil corporations, but they did sign the band for a reason. They signed them because they had potential, and could make money. No, the label is not some altruistic music guru who just wants people to enjoy music, they're a business. They're like an investment banker, they see potential, they put money into it, and then they expect they're payoff. You don't see people walking into AIG and stealing money 20 bucks at a time do you? Too soon? The labels put a lot of money into the artists, they pay for studio time, equipment, tour advertising and a lot of other things. It's quite communist actually to say that it's okay to steal from them because they're big and evil.
I'm done now. I think I've just convinced myself even more to stop pirating. I hope this provokes a thought, or even just a chuckle. If it doesn't, and you get mad at me, well, get the stick out of your ass you pompous hipster, you're a bigger fun killer than the conservative parents in Dirty Dancing. I leave you now, I have to go write a paper on the use of characterization and association to influence the readers thoughts, oddly enough I'm writing on how one of the best people at this was HItler, and now it's a tactic used by Rowling. Somehow I think using your topic in your paper is a beautiful statement of irony.
Korffy, none of these zingers are aimed at you.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
So at last
Tonight I finally finished Harry Potter. I used to be strongly opposed to this book, I figured it was only fair that I see it through to the end before I formed a final opinion. Well, now I've finished it. Before I give an opinion, how bout some summary?
This book is blatant propaganda. From the very beginning the messages are far from subtle. The depiction of 'Muggles', any non-magic people, is a very negative picture. They're stupid, lazy, vicious people. They play video games because they can't use magic, and all video games are "Super Mega slaughter III". Obviously video games are bad because they're only played and loved by fat non-magic people with vile tempers who are bully's. Magic people don't play them, therefore they aren't fat and bullying.
That's how non-magic people are. Now let's look at adults. The way that adults are depicted is fascinating. There are good adults, and bad adults, but in no case are there adults who are to be respected simply because they're adults. After all, magic makes you able to judge people on your own experience. So it doesn't really matter that someone is your elder and superior, you don't have to respect them unless they earn it. You can backtalk and be disrespectful all you want, as long as you're right, because they're wrong. This sort of attitude in books is one of the reasons kids feel that they can get away with it in real life. When the parents push their kids off and tell them to go read books like this, they absorb the ideas in it and start to see that it's okay to disrespect adults.
Politics: We'll save the surprise of Rowling's personal politics till later. In the book she treats politics with a sort of distance. She sees the government as a tool for bumbling idiots. It is an institution that can be easily corrupted, unlike wizardry. During the story she seems to indict the practices of most regime's, the suspension of Habeus Corpus, torture, unjust imprisonment. However as the story goes on, she indicates less and less objection to these methods, except as they relate to not killing people who might have useful information. At the end of the books the reader gets the feeling that the world is starting to unify in order to fight Voldemort....kind of like uniting the world to fight terrorism.
So, short list, globalist, disrespect for authority, magic makes you better. These are the subject matter problems that I have with it. Now we're gonna get into writing style.
Rule 1: don't reference real world things when trying to create a fantasy world, it destroys the illusion.
Rule 2: no fart jokes, no poop jokes, no butt jokes. It's crass
Rule 3: learn to spell and grammaticize.
Rule 4: don't build up the readers expectations and then in one chapter show them that what you had told them all along was a lie, and there was no way they could have anticipated it. That's the equivalent of saying the sky is green to a blind guy then going "Psyche, i got you, aren't you surprised? This is a plot twist, aren't I imaginative?" You should expect the blind guy to beat you with his cane and yell back, "No, that was cheap, that was dirty, you're a bitch!"
Rule 5: When your protagonist is in a particular bind, it's pretty cheap to magically have someone hand him the answer the minute he needs it. "Oh no! I've been studying for weeks how to make myself breathe underwater and I don't have anything. Oh, what's that random character who randomly overheard a conversation regarding a random object that we haven't told the reader about that will make me breathe underwater? I'm glad you told me that the morning of my test."
This list is not exhaustive. It's representative. This writing is terrible, I'm shocked and horrified that she was given an Hugo for this piece of crap. That's my opinion of this book, it's absolutely terrible. It's not even worth the paper it's written on.
By the way, have you guessed Rowling's political affiliation? She's one of the movers and shakers behind the scenes of the Labor Party. You guessed it, the wiccan supporter and propaganda machine is also a communist bitch. Surprise surprise.
This book is blatant propaganda. From the very beginning the messages are far from subtle. The depiction of 'Muggles', any non-magic people, is a very negative picture. They're stupid, lazy, vicious people. They play video games because they can't use magic, and all video games are "Super Mega slaughter III". Obviously video games are bad because they're only played and loved by fat non-magic people with vile tempers who are bully's. Magic people don't play them, therefore they aren't fat and bullying.
That's how non-magic people are. Now let's look at adults. The way that adults are depicted is fascinating. There are good adults, and bad adults, but in no case are there adults who are to be respected simply because they're adults. After all, magic makes you able to judge people on your own experience. So it doesn't really matter that someone is your elder and superior, you don't have to respect them unless they earn it. You can backtalk and be disrespectful all you want, as long as you're right, because they're wrong. This sort of attitude in books is one of the reasons kids feel that they can get away with it in real life. When the parents push their kids off and tell them to go read books like this, they absorb the ideas in it and start to see that it's okay to disrespect adults.
Politics: We'll save the surprise of Rowling's personal politics till later. In the book she treats politics with a sort of distance. She sees the government as a tool for bumbling idiots. It is an institution that can be easily corrupted, unlike wizardry. During the story she seems to indict the practices of most regime's, the suspension of Habeus Corpus, torture, unjust imprisonment. However as the story goes on, she indicates less and less objection to these methods, except as they relate to not killing people who might have useful information. At the end of the books the reader gets the feeling that the world is starting to unify in order to fight Voldemort....kind of like uniting the world to fight terrorism.
So, short list, globalist, disrespect for authority, magic makes you better. These are the subject matter problems that I have with it. Now we're gonna get into writing style.
Rule 1: don't reference real world things when trying to create a fantasy world, it destroys the illusion.
Rule 2: no fart jokes, no poop jokes, no butt jokes. It's crass
Rule 3: learn to spell and grammaticize.
Rule 4: don't build up the readers expectations and then in one chapter show them that what you had told them all along was a lie, and there was no way they could have anticipated it. That's the equivalent of saying the sky is green to a blind guy then going "Psyche, i got you, aren't you surprised? This is a plot twist, aren't I imaginative?" You should expect the blind guy to beat you with his cane and yell back, "No, that was cheap, that was dirty, you're a bitch!"
Rule 5: When your protagonist is in a particular bind, it's pretty cheap to magically have someone hand him the answer the minute he needs it. "Oh no! I've been studying for weeks how to make myself breathe underwater and I don't have anything. Oh, what's that random character who randomly overheard a conversation regarding a random object that we haven't told the reader about that will make me breathe underwater? I'm glad you told me that the morning of my test."
This list is not exhaustive. It's representative. This writing is terrible, I'm shocked and horrified that she was given an Hugo for this piece of crap. That's my opinion of this book, it's absolutely terrible. It's not even worth the paper it's written on.
By the way, have you guessed Rowling's political affiliation? She's one of the movers and shakers behind the scenes of the Labor Party. You guessed it, the wiccan supporter and propaganda machine is also a communist bitch. Surprise surprise.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
I wasn't going to do this, I was going to just read and not make a stink about it, but really? A butthole joke? First boogers, then this. Not only is it crude and unnecessary, but it's validating this obscene joking that can aid the loss of innocence early.
Love the crowd at the saints crowd, they just shouted down the referee. I will no longer stoop to tarnish this game with that book. Let the drinking and pizzaing begin. WHO DAT!
Love the crowd at the saints crowd, they just shouted down the referee. I will no longer stoop to tarnish this game with that book. Let the drinking and pizzaing begin. WHO DAT!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Rant time
Sadly, this isn't a story update. Instead, we're going to follow along as I read Harry Potter for a class and i give blow by blow examples of just how bad Rowling's writing is. Before that though, If you tell me a story that you think is funny, but that I find offensive, be prepared for me to be offended. More than that, be prepared for me to tell you so. Being a bitch doesn't give you immunity from being called out, it just makes you an easier target, no, I would never hit a girl, but if I caught someone doing what you did I'd beat the boy till he cried, and then tell you to your face that you're a bitch. I understand life wasn't always easy for you, that doesn't authorize you to bypass the rules of human decency and respect for elders and family.
Now on to yet another stupid bitch, my how they abound.
Lesson 1: Using the right words. When one event occurs, in a scene, do not end the scene with 'all in all.....blah blah blah' you just sound dumb. There's no all to be in all.
Lesson 2: when referencing timepiece's accuracy, it is best to mention said timepiece in some fashion, instead of slipping "It's a minute off" into the middle of a conversation and expecting the reader to know what you mean.
Lesson 3: learn your details, the devil is in the details. When a party of young healthy people has to walk a quarter mile, either don't mention a travel time, or mention one that makes sense. If you're going to say that it takes them twenty minutes to go less than a quarter mile, I'm going to assume they stopped to roll a blunt along the way.
Lesson 4: if the word you have invented sounds suspiciously like another word, don't use it in place of said other word. Example, if you want a character to cease being visible, and have previously invented the verb form of 'apparition': ('apparate' to be instantly transported to another place.) Do not use the negative verb form 'disapparate' to say that a character has ceased to be present. A good word for this is 'disappear'. It's in the dictionary, it's what the reader expects to see. Stop being a pretentious bitch.
Lesson 5: Ellipses ~= commas. Please use commas. Ellipses make you look silly, and your characters retarded. I am under the impression that everyone in this book is Rain Man.
Lesson 6: Conversely, three commas to segue two exclamations and two clauses into a sentence, cripes, well, it makes you appear, look, it makes you seem unsure of what you want to, like, say.
Lesson 7: Don't put obvious "that's what she said"s into your book. It's juvenile.
Lesson 8: really? A Salem Witch Trials reference? Bitch.
Lesson 9: When creating fantasy worlds, don't use the real world as a base. Don't set everything in the real world, it destroys the fantasy when I read about the Bulgarian flag and wonder, "which one is that again?" Then I have to go look it up, and that destroys the 'magic' of the story. Seriously, have you ever read Tolkein's essay on fairy stories? It's like the third thing he says.
Lesson 10: It a book marketed for children, don't talk about men preferring a 'breeze 'round my privates' that's just nasty. Ugh, Tolkein never would have had Gandalf say that.
Lesson 11: Gilt isn't a color, it's an adjective describing something covered in gold. "Purple-and-gilt" makes you sound stupid and pretentious.
Lesson 12: Really? A nose-picking joke? Do I even need to go into this? What's next, a fart joke?
Lesson 13: While people often leave out parts of speech in conversation, it shouldn't be done in writing dialogue. To this end, please remember, sentences have subjects. Knew you'd understand. Exception: when the subject is implied, like when I say, "Bitch!" it's understood that the subject is you.
Lesson 14: Calling someone a 'slimy git' is pretty hard to mistake. Obscenity has no place in children's books.
Lesson 15: fix your physics. Assuming that a flying broom is capable of accelerating while in flight (necessary for controlled flying) saying that a person on a broom plummeted, like they had jumped from airplanes without parachutes, is dumb. What you're saying is that the best a flying broom can do is match free fall, this isn't very impressive. If you're going to make a comparison, try something more impressive, "Dropped like a lightning bolt" for instance.
Lesson 16: Aw hang it, if I try to do this the whole time I'll never finish the assignment. This is ghastly writing. End of story.
Now on to yet another stupid bitch, my how they abound.
Lesson 1: Using the right words. When one event occurs, in a scene, do not end the scene with 'all in all.....blah blah blah' you just sound dumb. There's no all to be in all.
Lesson 2: when referencing timepiece's accuracy, it is best to mention said timepiece in some fashion, instead of slipping "It's a minute off" into the middle of a conversation and expecting the reader to know what you mean.
Lesson 3: learn your details, the devil is in the details. When a party of young healthy people has to walk a quarter mile, either don't mention a travel time, or mention one that makes sense. If you're going to say that it takes them twenty minutes to go less than a quarter mile, I'm going to assume they stopped to roll a blunt along the way.
Lesson 4: if the word you have invented sounds suspiciously like another word, don't use it in place of said other word. Example, if you want a character to cease being visible, and have previously invented the verb form of 'apparition': ('apparate' to be instantly transported to another place.) Do not use the negative verb form 'disapparate' to say that a character has ceased to be present. A good word for this is 'disappear'. It's in the dictionary, it's what the reader expects to see. Stop being a pretentious bitch.
Lesson 5: Ellipses ~= commas. Please use commas. Ellipses make you look silly, and your characters retarded. I am under the impression that everyone in this book is Rain Man.
Lesson 6: Conversely, three commas to segue two exclamations and two clauses into a sentence, cripes, well, it makes you appear, look, it makes you seem unsure of what you want to, like, say.
Lesson 7: Don't put obvious "that's what she said"s into your book. It's juvenile.
Lesson 8: really? A Salem Witch Trials reference? Bitch.
Lesson 9: When creating fantasy worlds, don't use the real world as a base. Don't set everything in the real world, it destroys the fantasy when I read about the Bulgarian flag and wonder, "which one is that again?" Then I have to go look it up, and that destroys the 'magic' of the story. Seriously, have you ever read Tolkein's essay on fairy stories? It's like the third thing he says.
Lesson 10: It a book marketed for children, don't talk about men preferring a 'breeze 'round my privates' that's just nasty. Ugh, Tolkein never would have had Gandalf say that.
Lesson 11: Gilt isn't a color, it's an adjective describing something covered in gold. "Purple-and-gilt" makes you sound stupid and pretentious.
Lesson 12: Really? A nose-picking joke? Do I even need to go into this? What's next, a fart joke?
Lesson 13: While people often leave out parts of speech in conversation, it shouldn't be done in writing dialogue. To this end, please remember, sentences have subjects. Knew you'd understand. Exception: when the subject is implied, like when I say, "Bitch!" it's understood that the subject is you.
Lesson 14: Calling someone a 'slimy git' is pretty hard to mistake. Obscenity has no place in children's books.
Lesson 15: fix your physics. Assuming that a flying broom is capable of accelerating while in flight (necessary for controlled flying) saying that a person on a broom plummeted, like they had jumped from airplanes without parachutes, is dumb. What you're saying is that the best a flying broom can do is match free fall, this isn't very impressive. If you're going to make a comparison, try something more impressive, "Dropped like a lightning bolt" for instance.
Lesson 16: Aw hang it, if I try to do this the whole time I'll never finish the assignment. This is ghastly writing. End of story.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
